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Sunday, February 22, 2009

Get Ex Back - An Important First Step

By John Laney

To get your ex back after a break up, there is an important first step that comes before all the rest. And that is to understand as clearly as possible what caused the break up objectively.

The reasons for your break up can be all over the map. Infidelity. Loss of passion and interest. One or both of you felt like the magic was gone. Arguing, Fighting and Conflict " It just got to be too much. Control Issues " you or they were too pushy and controlling and smothering. Unacceptable behaviors " abuse, drinking, drugging. And on a broader scale, there are going to be two general reasons. They left you or you left them.

In order to get your ex back, you want to figure out as objectively as possible why you broke up. If you deceive yourself about this, it will only make it that much harder to actually repair the damage.

Yes, the tendency is to blame your ex for the break up. They weren't passionate enough, or they fought too much, etc. Even when we clearly wronged them, maybe by cheating, we can blame our ex.

But to get your ex back, you want to objectively see the real issues. If you fought and argued too much, admit it. If they wronged you in some way, don't take the blame on yourself.

Look! If the break up is your fault, its okay! We all do dumb things in life. You can be forgiven and you can regain the love and trust of your mate even if youve made a bad mistake. Youre not a bad person for screwing up. You dont need to beat yourself up and feel worthless for doing something bad and hurting your mate.

And if its their fault the relationship broke up, thats okay too. If they cheated on you or treated you poorly, people do that from time to time. It doesnt mean you are unlovable and it doesnt mean you have to hate them. It certainly doesnt mean you cant want them back and get them back.

The key is to understand why you broke up as a first step. Only then can you take steps to repair the relationship in a healthy way. Even in cases of infidelity, you can fix the damage if you are willing to give or accept an apology. There are obviously other steps that need to be taken as well, but this is a good first step. - 20611

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