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Monday, February 23, 2009

Two Biggest Mistakes We Make When Getting Our Ex Back

By Johnnie S Laney

When weve been dumped in a relationship we often do many things to try to get our ex back. Some of them can be helpful, but many of the things we do can hurt or completely ruin our chances of getting our ex back.

A big mistake is to apologize endlessly for what you did. If an apology was going to work, one or two would do the trick. If you've said I'm sorry and your ex didn't take you back, you simply need to follow some other steps before you get to an apology.

If you have apologized and it hasn't gotten your ex to take you back, then you need to learn some basic emotional intelligence before you try apologizing again. Two steps you can take BEFORE you apologize are to own up to what you did wrong and then to let your ex vent in a particular way about how they feel about what you did wrong.

If your ex dumped you, their heart is now filled with negative, unpleasant feelings about you. Learning how to help them to vent and release these negative feelings is a key to getting them back. Apologizing on top of their hurt or angry feelings doesn't make any difference. That's why learning the simple steps to support your ex in venting and releasing their bad feelings can make all the difference.

Another mistake to avoid is to come across as desperate and needy. When you first date someone, if they came across as desperate, would you want to date them again? For most of us, the answer is no. The same is true when getting your ex back. Texting your ex 20 times a day, stalking them by phone or in person, crying, promising you'll change can all come across as desperate and needy.

Sure, you feel needy and desperate. Yes, you may sometimes feel like it's almost not worth living without your ex. That is how heartbreak feels. But you want to keep that to yourself as much as possible and not show up as a needy emotional mess to your mate.

If your ex gets the desperate/needy vibe, it can generate pity for you. But pity won't get them to want to take you back. Instead, share with them, if appropriate, how much you've learned from losing them.

But avoid coming across as weak and needy. Avoid apologizing ten thousand times. By not doing those two things you will improve your chances of getting them back dramatically. - 20611

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