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Thursday, March 12, 2009

How to Deal With a Breakup If You Still Love Your Ex

By John Dickerson

If you are still in love, you already know that there is no easy answer to how to deal with a breakup. Breakups are emotionally draining at the very least, whether you are leaving or the one who has been left. There isn't a magic formula to take away your pain, but there are things you can do to make it as easier.

First, you must accept that it has happened or is happening. You aren't able to resolve a conflict or bring closure when one of the people won't accept reality. Of course, everyone likes to hold on to romantic notions and memories of better days, but this is not the time to lock yourself in your room playing mushy love songs and getting lost old photographs. You can only change what you acknowledge. It is useless to try to pretend it away.

Secondly, cut the crap. Too many of us lack the skills needed to express ourselves or handle conflict in a healthy way and end up resorting to manipulation. If you are genuinely devastated, acting immature will only make things worse. Begging and pleading will do nothing to make situation better, and is absolutely not how to deal with a breakup when you're still in love.

Finally, take responsibility and drop the blame game. Skip the victim mentality and take responsibility for your side of the situation. Instead of making excuses and blaming others, acknowledge that you have contributed to the issue at hand. Dont make empty promises of change just to smooth things over for the moment. Buried issues always find their way to the surface again, so it is best to deal with it properly the first time. Take an honest evaluation of yourself and try to see it from their point of view.

If you are trying to figure out how to deal with a breakup when youre still in love, handling it in a mature and honest way will greatly increase the chances of them taking you back or at least leaving on friendly terms. Too many of us resort to unhealthy and hurtful ways when we feel backed in a corner or hurt and vulnerable. You can get through this trying time if you step back and take the time to think things through and make good, sound choices on how to go forward. - 20611

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